Okay, so it has been almost 2 months since I wrote my last entry. I have had a couple of people ask me why and this is it - I have still been feeling beat down and in a dark valley. God has definitely been talking to me and teaching me, but I just can't seem to "shake this slump" that I am in. Well, I should put that in the past tense because in the past couple of days, I have actually started to feel like I might just be on the uphill climb. It's not going to be an easy climb, but I need to do it.
I want to share a few of the things that God has been teaching me in the past couple of months. First - He loves me and knows what I am going through. There is not one person alive who is in my bedroom with me when I am crying myself to sleep or when I wake up in the middle of the night in tears. There is not one person alive who is with me when I hear a song or a saying that forms a lump in my throat. There is not one person alive who knows how my heart aches. There is not one person alive who knows every thought that is in my head and what I am trying to process. Sure, there are people (like my husband) who have an idea - but they can't know the full scope of where my heart and mind are right now. I am so thankful for a God who knows every part of me (as scary as that is) - He knit me together and knows what makes me tick and what makes me hurt and what makes me smile. He knows me - and still loves me - crazy, huh? :)
I have been going to a Bible study lead by Beth Moore. God uses her in amazing ways - the number of times I have had goosebumps or tears (and sometimes both) during the weekly sessions are countless. She has a way of speaking that is just so real - so down to earth - so easy to relate to. I wish I could just leaf through this study guide and share with you everything that I have starred and underlined.
One thing that I read this week hit me like a ton of bricks. "We are to walk as people who have encountered God, and some of the most transforming encounters are wrestling matches." (Beth Moore, of course) She says this while we were reading and learning about Jacob's night of wrestling with God. The Bible says that "he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched." The next morning as Jacob walked out to approach his brother Esau, Jacob walked with a limp. I LOVE that visual! Jacob wrestled with God, God touched him and made him walk differently, and then Jacob could walk (limping all the way) to confront his past (Esau). Dear God, Please make me walk differently! Beth says this - "Beloved, sometimes God will wound His own child to make him walk differently..."
One more thing before I go... I am sure we all know about Joseph (Jacob's favorite son). His brothers threw him into a pit because they hated him. They concocted a scheme to kill him. While he was in this pit, people came by and the brothers ended up selling Joseph to these people - people who would then sell Joseph to Potiphar - and the rest of the story is crazy! Joseph ends up saving his family from starvation years later. What we talked about was that the means of Joseph's deliverance was in motion before Joseph was even thrown into that pit. Those men who bought Joseph had left on their journey before Joseph had been thrown into the pit! God knew what He was doing and had allowed what seemed to be an unbearable situation to play out - to glorify Himself in the end!!! What? God allowed Joseph to be sold, and then sold again, and He allowed Jacob to be lied to and mourn the loss of his son for YEARS - and he brought good out of it! Seriously, people, how can this not make you smile? God sees the big picture, and He knows what you are going through, and what is going on around you, AND how He is going to work through and in it! I am so blessed by this! I hope you are too.
Finally, (okay, for real this time) I want to share a few verses with you from Psalm 55. "My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen on me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I said 'Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest...'... If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; If a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, one like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God, as we walked about among the worshipers." I feel the heartache, and fear, and sorrow in that segment of verses. These verses brought tears to my eyes. Later in that chapter it reads, "As for me, I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice." HE HEARS MY VOICE... and He hears yours too.
No comments:
Post a Comment